Gon Blade Dancers

So, not only did my sides feel like they were being stabbed by a thousand knives as I was attempting on writing this on faction chat (Crimson, Spirit’s Rest), but it made me realize the amount of potential laughs once can get out of this… Alright, dear reader. Let’s have a good laugh, shall we?

Compiled, in descending order of importance, are a list of things that many of us are disappointed aren’t in the game yet.
No no, not optimization issues, FPS problems, daily grinds, and rants… Nothing that stupidly trivial…
Bigger things… More important things…
For Gons, imagine the manliest beefcake of a man. Bonus points for extra Chest hair.
For Lyns, imagine the tiniest, most Kawaii of Lyns with the fluffiest hair and tail that put your generic anime girl to shame.

1) Gon summoners

I mean, no seriously… Why the *cricket* aren’t those in the game? NCSOFT, you want money? Make this happen… Even it’s for an April Fool’s joke- I mean imagine the your manly gon of a man saying this:-
“My name xXPussySlayer69Xx… You murdered my kitteh… Prepare for my vengeance…”
I mean sweet Gandhi’s tits, can you imagine the scene? 10 ft tall Gon, chest hair, a glimmering chest that’s probably brighter than my future, holding a gigantic flower, and a tiny kitty by his side…
For maximum pleasure, imagine the following scenes.
i) The gon’s kitty died… Imagine the gon, with a deep voice manly enough to force a beard to spontaneously erupt over every single male and female’s face within a hundred meter radius, weep in sorrow over his kitty’s death, only for it to meow and appear next to it’s master’s side… *cricket*, even the cat would grow a beard.
ii) Imagine the Gon with the dark angel outfit and bunny ears (tail is optional for maximum entertainment), doing that summoner’s combat stance… Gigidy… Who wants a piece of that muscular tight-booty shaking gon looking at your dead body in PvP? Grrr…
iii) Just imagine a gon swinging a giant flower at you, hurling his flowery destruction down your path, and doing that dance to heal his beloved kitty… That, dance where he waves his massive flower behind his kitt- Oh god… NEVER MIND.

2) Lyn destroyers

The most hated scum of all hideous scums… They will put the PVP summoner to shame… The land of QQs will become infested by people complaining of the nightmare that are the Massive Axe-wielding Lolis… Force Masters and Blade Dancers will become a thing of a past…

I mean… Imagine the bot chains all those botters would make… What’s more obnoxious than a Lyn destroyer? (Drumf… *cough cough*)

Imagine the nightmare that are Fury-Imbued lolis animation cancelling you to death in arena, and then spamming /dance2, twerking over your dead body… I mean jesus christ, I’m already perplexed how my blade dancer has the strength to kick bloodmane into the air, and struggle to lift a plant off the ground… 0/10 Physics team, DDOS this unrealistic game.

Bonus points if the Loli was wearing the gangplank style hair while ani-cancelling you to death.

3) Gon Blade Dancers

Dance Dance Revolution is a thing of the past now… Step Up 1 and 2 need to up their game, cause a new bad boy’s in town, and his name is the Gon Blade Dancer…

They will become the undisputed kings of the Spin to Win kingdom… If you listen closely while present in that location, you might hear a heart-broken Garen whimpering “Dema…cia…” in sorrow as the Gon destoryers and Blade Dancers viciously dethrone him from his spin to win throne… but such a voice is quickly silenced, labelled as the sound of nature….

The sound the gon blade daccer’s room would emanate might be mistaken for masturbation, but in all reality, it’s only the sound of the player smacking the Tab button as hard as they could… Oh wait, did you guys know the legendary hongmoon tab skill resets your take flight skill on each successful parry? Yup, Gon blade dancer gon give you a bad time…
Do you wanna have a bad time? Crap, that line’s already used. Sorry Sans, don’t kill me.

But what’s more entertaining than the sight of a muscular 10 ft man with the voice of the angels spinning a tiny sword, probably tinier than his dick, around?
Eh, I’d argue Hellsing Ultimate Abridged by TFS is quite entertaining, but the sight of a 10ft gon spinning around in a tooth pick is rather entertaining as well…

4) Lyn Kung Fu Masters

Again… The Physics team, back at their magic again…

I mean… I can redo the whole Mr. T WoW advertisement for this one…
Ahem…

Speras :”I’m Speras, and this is my Lyn Kung Fu Master.”
NCSOFT: “CUT! Speras, there’s no such thing as a Lyn Kung Fu Master…”
Speras: “OMG OPTIMIZE GAME-NERF SUMMONERS- WEAPON PATH TOO EXPENSIVE-ERROR 4049 HURR DURR”
*stares back at camera*
Speras: Like I was saying, My Kung Fu master storms through Night Shade Harbor with her bare fists! My Kung Fu-
NCOSFT:- Speras, it’s not a Lyn, it’s a Yun/Gon!
Speras:- Well maybe Speras hacked the game (I wish) and create a Lyn Kung Fu Master. Maybe Speras is pretty handy with computers, had that occurred to you Mr Condescending Creative director?

But no seriously, imagine the Lyn Kung Fu Master, grappling the Venomous Thrasher in Night Shade Harbor, literally punching him to death as she sits atop him…
What would their weapons be? Lyn Gauntlets? Like, I’d mistake her attempts at hurting me to be slaps…
But no, that WABATA sound they make as they stunlock you to death in PVP would be rather annoying…

Though, to punch those Blackram Guards who keep saying “Ha! As I expected!” or “How dare you sneak in here!”, with a tiny Loli that shuts them up would be pretty damn satisfying…
More satisfying than beating a Destroyer as an Assassin.

That’s all for now…

Any interesting ideas the community has? That’s all I could think about for now.
If you found this entertaining, and would like to see more of this, do let me know, and I’ll try my best to come up with more.

1 like= 1 Gon Summoner Combat Stance Booty Shake.

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